My best friend said that to me yesterday. When she said it, I was stunned but then let it go. Then of course, I did what I do, and analyzed it later. My reaction that time? I doubled over laughing! And the person saying this was the one that knows me best in the world! Poor thing...lol
I pulled some bonehead move today, I can't even remember what it was, and I said aloud "People must be surprised at how stupid I actually am."
Truly! I am a stupid person. I am a walking, talking idiot. No, seriously. I'm not being "humble", and I'm not fishing for compliments. Holy cow, if you lived in this skin, you'd feel the exact same thing!
And I think back to what she said. It forces me to look at myself in the mirror, under the harshest light available. No, I'm afraid I'm not strong. Stubborn, yes, but that's completely different. I look at myself and I see an incredibly weak, and most times insecure person. The only thing I'm sure of about myself is that I will screw up. Doesn't sound strong to me. I become afraid easily. My stress level maxes out at merely the thought of confrontation. I lay in bed at night and replay conversations in my head, making lists of apologies to deliver the next day! I cry at the drop of a hat and feel pain, whether it's mine or someone else's, down to the marrow of my bones. Doesn't sound like a strong person.
As I stand there, looking at this weak person staring back at me, I begin to lose heart. I'm really this person? I really have this heart? What kind of stock am I made from? It starts to depress me. But then....I'm reminded.
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. " (2 Corinthians 12:9-11)
That's what I'm made of. That's who lives IN me. That power is flowing through me, not because of any strength of mine, not because I'm a good or important person, but BECAUSE I am weak. I give that weakness over to Him, and He, in turn, gives me the strength of Christ!
What is the strength of Christ? Christ was able to endure hardships throughout His life on earth. He was able to endure ridicule and torment while in the desert, alone, for 40 days. He was able to endure rejection at every turn of His life. He was able to endure when His closest friends misunderstood Him and eventually betrayed Him when He needed support the most. He endured possibly the most gruesome of deaths at the hands of an enemy that He did not deserve. His strength made it possible to endure all of that.
But look at what else His strength did. He taught with authority and passion on the Kingdom of God. He searched for those who would hear His voice and listen to Him. He woke up every day and kept pushing forward, working on the timeclock of the Father. He healed people of ALL their diseases. He produced miracle after miracle. He raised the dead and eventually raised FROM the dead, defeating Death and the Grave forever. And that hardly scratches the surface of what He did just in the short time He was on earth. That is His power!!! And He allows that power to rest on me. Whew.
I'm weak. May I boast in that fact all of my days.
