Dehydrated?

Awhile back I had a small case of the flu. Just part of working with children, I suppose. But for a little while, man, I thought I was going to die! I went two days without any intake other than a cappuccino made with soy milk. I needed a caffeine burst that was nice on my tummy. That's it. No food, just a few sips of water. Ug, it was NOT fun. When I was finally over it, I felt like I had a hangover. I had a horrible headache that I just couldn't shake.

While I was driving to work, I complained to God about it and asked Him to help me. He told me I was dehydrated and needed to go drink some water, that it would help. Easy enough, right? But then He continued to speak to my spirit...

He told me that not only was I phsyically dehydrated, I was spiritually dehydrated, which explained why my spirit was so heavy. I had been so concentrated on keeping myself functioning over the past couple of days that I had spent absolutely no time in the Word. He showed so many similarities between physical and spiritual dehydration, it was amazing once I started looking at it.

Going without water for just a short amount of time has a profound impact on your body. Just as going without the Word for just a couple of days has severe ramifications on your spirit. Have you ever been dehydrated? One glass of water didn't fix it, right? It took days of steady intake of H2O to bring yourself back up to the proper balance. I think it's the same on the spiritual realm. It doesn't work to just read a Psalm and think you'll be fine. You've got to get back in there over a period of time to feel as if you're healthy again.

When you're dehydrated, you're usually not thirsty. Your body has moved past the sensation of thirst to survival and even starvation mode. You have to CHOOSE to drink water, even though you may not want to, since you know that's what you need to survive. It's the same with the Living Water. You may not desire to get into the Word, when in reality it's exactly what you need. You have to CHOOSE to dive in and drink of the Living Water in order to live, even if it's not a strong desire.

Isn't He amazing? He understands that we are just flesh and blood, and He applies lessons like that to something our flesh could understand. What a mighty God we serve!

"you're made of stronger stock than most"

My best friend said that to me yesterday. When she said it, I was stunned but then let it go. Then of course, I did what I do, and analyzed it later. My reaction that time? I doubled over laughing! And the person saying this was the one that knows me best in the world! Poor thing...lol

I pulled some bonehead move today, I can't even remember what it was, and I said aloud "People must be surprised at how stupid I actually am."

Truly! I am a stupid person. I am a walking, talking idiot. No, seriously. I'm not being "humble", and I'm not fishing for compliments. Holy cow, if you lived in this skin, you'd feel the exact same thing!

And I think back to what she said. It forces me to look at myself in the mirror, under the harshest light available. No, I'm afraid I'm not strong. Stubborn, yes, but that's completely different. I look at myself and I see an incredibly weak, and most times insecure person. The only thing I'm sure of about myself is that I will screw up. Doesn't sound strong to me. I become afraid easily. My stress level maxes out at merely the thought of confrontation. I lay in bed at night and replay conversations in my head, making lists of apologies to deliver the next day! I cry at the drop of a hat and feel pain, whether it's mine or someone else's, down to the marrow of my bones. Doesn't sound like a strong person.

As I stand there, looking at this weak person staring back at me, I begin to lose heart. I'm really this person? I really have this heart? What kind of stock am I made from? It starts to depress me. But then....I'm reminded.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. " (2 Corinthians 12:9-11)

That's what I'm made of. That's who lives IN me. That power is flowing through me, not because of any strength of mine, not because I'm a good or important person, but BECAUSE I am weak. I give that weakness over to Him, and He, in turn, gives me the strength of Christ!

What is the strength of Christ? Christ was able to endure hardships throughout His life on earth. He was able to endure ridicule and torment while in the desert, alone, for 40 days. He was able to endure rejection at every turn of His life. He was able to endure when His closest friends misunderstood Him and eventually betrayed Him when He needed support the most. He endured possibly the most gruesome of deaths at the hands of an enemy that He did not deserve. His strength made it possible to endure all of that.

But look at what else His strength did. He taught with authority and passion on the Kingdom of God. He searched for those who would hear His voice and listen to Him. He woke up every day and kept pushing forward, working on the timeclock of the Father. He healed people of ALL their diseases. He produced miracle after miracle. He raised the dead and eventually raised FROM the dead, defeating Death and the Grave forever. And that hardly scratches the surface of what He did just in the short time He was on earth. That is His power!!! And He allows that power to rest on me. Whew.

I'm weak. May I boast in that fact all of my days.

hey there, lonely girl

The other night I watched the movie "Must Love Dogs". Cute flick, really. It's about a divorcee whose family is constantly bugging her about why she isn't moving on into a new relationship. She begins dating again only for it to fail miserably, so now not only is she painfully aware that she is alone, but no one will shut up about it. It has a happy ending, of course, but one scene really stuck out to me. She is going to try out some matchmaker sites online and as she is considering it, you hear the old Eddie Holman song start up "Hey there, lonely girl."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=9sCEOsdGnKY
I'm sure it was supposed to be funny. I didn't laugh. It got me too close to home. There's something different about being married and then...not being married. For whatever reason, divorce, death, other crazy reasons...it's just surreal most of the time.
I'm reading a wonderful book by Angela Thomas called My Life as a Single Mom. I think that's the title, at least. She's a great author and has really touched me in the past through her writings. I got home last night and read a portion of her book before passing out, and it was all about the loneliness of a single mother. What she was saying hit the nail on the head.

Most people don't think that a single mom can be lonely. We're chasing after kids, driving all over town for one thing or another, running a household, and usually working part-time or full-time jobs (or both!). But Angela made a wonderful point in this chapter where she said that we're busy holding the universe, but it gets pretty lonely holding it all on our own.

She's right. You become very aware that you are, in fact, alone in this battle. I can't count the numer of times that I've wanted so desperately just to have someone to share their opinion on what to do in parenting, or in any other matter really. Right now I have a parenting situation laying pretty heavily on me, and I don't really have anyone to discuss it with. Sure, I can talk to my friends about it, but they don't have at much at stake as I do.

I have friends. Wonderful friends, really. I have a great church, a crazy but fun family, and a rather full life. But that doesn't mean that I don't get lonely. Is that okay? Is it okay to admit that I want the companionship that I was created for? I'm not going to go out there and grab the first guy that comes along, I'm going to wait for the one that God has for me. I'm not acting while I'm lonely, which I think is wise. But I'm just taking a step here to admit that I am, in fact...a lonely girl. =)

I have a trip coming up this weekend, tomorrow actually. I've had it planned for months and months now. I'm so looking forward to it. It's coming at just the right time. There have been so many changes lately, and I really haven't had time to adjust to all of it. I lost a relationship in the last couple of weeks. I didn't expect it to start, and I definitely didn't expect it to end. But you know what hurts almost worse than losing the actual relationship? Losing the dream that went with it. I had just started dreaming of the future again, and now that's gone. I'm settling back into my life as a lonely girl. =) That coupled with a whole host of things that have happened lately have left me pretty raw. But I've been too booked up to really deal with any of this. I am looking foward to whatever word God has for me from the speakers at the conference that I'm going to, but I'm also looking forward to the ride there! I will be on a charter bus for 7 hours each way, and I get to spend that entire time with my ipod, a book, my Bible, my journal, whatever I want.

But it occurred to me just a few minutes ago, that the thing I want to do most (beware, sissy moment approaching)...is cry. I haven't cried about any of this in weeks, and just letting myself cry sounds so nice. I'll try to not to make a scene, and I'm making myself a reminder right now to be wearing sunglasses and remember to bring makeup in my purse for a touch-up, but I think I'll give myself the freedom to do whatever I want.

I'll let ya know how the conference goes.

Non-Believers

It's a mystery to me how people get through life without an authentic relationship with God. I guess I understand to a degree why people turn to addictions...drugs, booze, sex, shopping, social life, whatever the addiction may be. It makes a little more sense to me now.

I don't know what I would do without Him. No, I know exactly what I would do without Him. I would be going to Hell in style...lol. Seriously, without this relationship, I would be in a gutter somewhere.

Why would people run from this? Is it simply because having faith takes work? This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Why choose a god (or lack of god) that can't fulfill every aspect of your life? This is real, people. I know it seems to good to be true, but we're talking about the Ultimate Truth here.

He protects me. He fights for me. He loves me lavishly. He is committed to me even when I'm not committed to Him. He listens to me. He talks to me. He teaches me. He counsels me. He laughs with me. He makes me laugh. He comforts me. He encourages me. He cheers me on. He stands in the gap for me. He gets revenge on my enemies for me. He likes me. He allows and wants me to be just "me." He knows and cares about every single minute detail of my life. He thinks about me. If I wake up in the middle of the night, I'll catch Him in the middle of a thought about me.

I love Him. I've heard people talk about being in love with Him, and it always sounded a little out-there to me. But I understand. I've been in love with Him for years now, and it's stronger every day.

In the words of Beth Moore "He knocks my Crocs off!"